After being home ill for three days last week, Youngest Son posed the following question ‘What do you do all day, Mum?’ This question puzzled me somewhat, for I had vacuumed, mopped and dusted around him whilst he had been fed and watered all day, without having to leave the comfort of the sofa. So what exactly does Mother do all day?
Mother’s Day starts with a 5km walk on the treadmill. Shower. Dress. Makeup. Hair. Breakfast orders received. First mediation; two sons and one husband but only two muffins. While Mother accepts full responsibility for not securing enough muffins Mother does offer to split the muffins equally giving each person two thirds of a muffin. Unanimously rejected. Mother rattles off the ten plus other breakfast options. Husband accepts cereal. Mother makes new offer of one muffin each to Both Sons. Unanimously rejected. Counter offer by Youngest Son; scrambled eggs. Mother accepts. Counter offer by Eldest Son; pancakes. House Rules – no pancakes on a school day. Eldest Son accepts cereal. Muffins remain uneaten. Reminders to Both Sons to get dressed, brush teeth and pack school bags. Mother eats breakfast. Husband leaves for work. Five minute school bus warning. Homework, bus pass and PE Kit check. Both Sons leave for school. Mother clears breakfast dishes. Youngest Son returns for piano book. Time check; Youngest Son can still catch bus if he runs.
Mother makes beds, loads dark washing, vacuums and mops, hangs up dark washing, loads light washing, empties rubbish bin. Windows cleaners arrive. Mother makes three teas and one coffee. Mother hangs up light washing, cleans toilets (boys, need I say more), makes a dinner decision, compiles shopping list and leaves house.
Mother collects jacket on order for Eldest Son, does banking and grocery shopping.
Mother returns home, unloads groceries, cleans fridge, packs away groceries, eats a banana, drinks a cup of coffee and goes to office.
Mother does paid work.
Mother returns to home duties. Mother walks dog, brushes dog, and makes a cup of tea. Both Sons home from school. Mother makes toast, hot chocolate, slices melon, peels an apple, makes more toast, rattles off ten plus healthy snack options. Eldest Son asks for crisps. No. Youngest Son asks for chocolate. No. Mother offers raisins and banana chips. Accepted. Mother empties dishwasher. Second mediation; two sons, two televisions, what is the argument over? Mother gives first warning. Mother turns television off. Third mediation; two sons, two computers, what is the argument over? Mother gives second warning. Accepted.
Mother folds dry washing. Mother requests that school bags are removed from the front door. Mother ignored. Mother gives another warning. Mother ignored. Mother screams. Accepted. Mother puts PE Kit in bucket to soak. Mother starts ironing. Door knocks. Mother answers. Youngest Son leaves to play. Mother gives reminder of home time. Mother returns to ironing. Eldest Son asks about expressionist art. Mother Googles. Mother summarizes expressionism. Mother returns to ironing. Youngest Son yells from front door. Mother ignores. Youngest Sons yells louder. Mother yells back. Phone rings. Youngest Son phoning through request that he yelled from the front door. Mother returns to ironing. Door knocks. Mother answers. Page 3 girl comes in for a cup of tea. Mother abandons ironing. Page 3 girl leaves. Mother puts ironing away and starts dinner.
Husband home. Mother asks Eldest Son to set the table. Mother reminds Eldest Son that we eat with knives and forks. Mother advises Husband and Both Sons that dinner is ready. Mother reminds Both Sons to wash hands. Dinner is delicious. Unanimously agreed. Youngest Son clears table and loads dishwasher. Mother reloads dishwasher. Mother reminds Both Sons that they do need to shower every day. Both sweet smelling Sons sit with Husband and Mother to watch repeats of Friends. Mother gives five minute bed time warning to Both Sons. Mother reminds Both Sons to brush teeth. Good night to Both Sons. Mother checks work emails. Mother checks on Both Sons and watches them sleep for a moment. Angels.
Mother makes coffee and sits alongside Husband. End of Mother’s Day. Wife’s day begins.
