I like to describe myself as a big pants girl. When it comes to underwear I just don’t have the kind of bottom that should be wearing a thong and I am not alone.
Family Friend has confided that her bottom sucks the thong into a wilderness and describes her thong wearing experiences as physical and mental torture. As much as she wants to be a fashion conformist, she can’t survive more than an hour of the discomfort and the urge to constantly correct her wardrobe malfunction.
On the other hand, IH Friend had been a thong advocate for years, declaring that she found the thong very comfortable. However her thong relationship came to an abrupt end when she saw her thong wearing bottom in a four way mirror for the first time. She described her disgust at the sight of wobbly 40 something year old cellulite being divided by a white lace thong and blamed IH Husband for not sharing this information with her years earlier.
More importantly, Female Neighbour recently warned others to never wear a thong whilst cycling. A beautiful sunny day inspired her to take a bike ride around the local area. Half way through her journey she stopped to adjust a minor wardrobe malfunction. More cycling - further adjustment. By the time she returned home she feared that she would need to have the thong surgically removed.
Men also have their own thong demons. Builders Labourer Brother has been assigned laundry duty in his house. His first day of laundry duty became complex when confronted with the thong. Firstly he wondered whether it was safe to put the thong in the washing machine and then faced an even greater dilemma when trying to peg the thong on the washing line.
GM Friend described over exposure to the thong as the ‘which way should I look syndrome’. Whilst at lunch he pointed out a thong exposed at the top of a large bottom sitting at the table opposite. He went on to say that he had already been exposed to three other ugly thong incidents that day. The morning started with a mother reaching into her car at Pre School, followed by a bare midriff girl in low cut jeans walking ahead of him in the car park and then the shop assistant bending over to get the milk for our coffees. Each incident forced him to wonder which way he should look.
So if the thong is uncomfortable, potentially dangerous and unsightly to some, why has it moved into the every day pants drawer? The No Visible Panty Line could be to blame but this is questionable given the prominent ‘Visible Thong Line’ we are now exposed to. Maybe we could blame the Shopping Line. Have you ever noticed that when standing in line to pay for underwear purchases, the thong lady holds the hanger at shoulder height, with the thong carelessly swinging in the breeze, whilst the big pants lady has her purchase tucked discretely under her arm? Or is the Washing Line to blame? Do women wear the thong for fear of pegging big pants out on the line? Not me – my big pants are out on the washing line, swaying carelessly in the breeze. I am a big pants girl.
