All of you have probably heard my groans of desperation this week. I have been attempting to speak to a real, live, in the flesh person in relation to our deteriorating and now, non existent broadband service.
I have adjusted to the fact that, no matter where I am in the world, my query will be answered by a very helpful person in India. I have learnt to be patient and allow this helpful person to tell me how sorry they are that I am experiencing difficulties with the service they provide. However, I have not overcome my frustration with the fact that there is no longer a direct line to a real person.
Take my experience this week, for example. I have a handy little sticker displaying the broadband helpline number. Mistakenly I believe that this is a secret number supplied to a handful of very special people. This number in fact takes me directly to the automated call centre. So I proceed with the button pressing – 3,3,1,4,2,1 – and an automated voice then places me in a queue and tells me how important my call is. I am not patient and hang up after 12 minutes.
One more try later on with no success and then it is time to roll out the secret weapons.
Press zero – I have found, over the years, that pressing zero can often take you directly to a real person. Once at this person, the trick being not to allow them to transfer your call until there is another real person at the other end. While this proved successful for the first three people, at the fourth transfer I was back in the automated system. Maybe they have monitoring equipment that alerted them to the fact that I had managed to speak to real people without pressing a string of numbers.
Sales – In organizations with commission based sales staff, pressing the sales option can prove successful. You then apply the real person transfer method mentioned above. This also proved successful, however I think fatigue had set in and I let my guard down. I ended up in the automated system after transfer number two.
I had no choice but to be patient and just play the game.
I press numbers. I say my number. It gets the number wrong. I say my number again. It gets the number wrong again. Maybe it doesn’t like my Aussie accent. I round my vowels and try my best Kentish accent. Wrong again. I use my best Northern accent. Success! Now I have the queue message and the piped music. I put the phone on speaker and I wait.
I mop the floor. I empty the dishwasher. I bring in the washing and fold it. I begin to thank the recorded message each time it reminds me how important I am. Then I begin to wonder if there is actually someone at the other end, merely amusing themselves at my expense – waiting for me to make some ridiculous remarks that could be broadcast to the rest of the world. I am polite, just in case.
My call is finally answered by a friendly customer service operator, based in India, who kindly informs me that this call may be monitored for training purposes. I ask him if the on hold message was recording me for training or any other purposes but he was a bit vague.
The lesson to be learnt from this – equip yourself with a speaker phone, press zero immediately and speak politely to the on hold message or you may become an overnight celebrity on You Tube.
PS. Presently waiting for their engineer to phone me. I am sourcing an automated system to enable him/her to speak to me in person.
